Balancing Your Prom Date With Some Quality Bro Time

Balancing Your Prom Date With Some Quality Bro Time

Just for the record, whoever came up with the saying “Bros Before Hoes” is an idiot, a misogynist, a chauvinist, and a pig – off the record, we think this guy is quite possibly also a great misunderstood visionary on par with other ground breakers like Einstein, Flavor Flav, Dr. Dre or Michael Scott of the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. Problem is, Michael Scott was right, espouse the “Bros Before Hoes” mantra and she not might be “your hoe no more.”

So what’s a dude to do come prom night? Sure, you want to get in some quality bro time, but leaving your date on the sideline is gonna get you into some serious hot water.

Our advice is to follow the 3-2-2-3 formula. This is how it works: You spend three hours with your date, two with the bros, two hours together with all your dates as a group, and three hours back again with the date. Those of you with ADD, can pop an Adderall and cut the time segments in half, sticking with the same ratio of bro-to-babe time. 

This is how the 3-2-2-3 formula plays out over prom season: 

Pre-Prom

3. 6 p.m. (four weeks prior to prom). You and your date go to Generation Tux to pick out a look. You spend an hour picking the outfit, an hour getting your measurements in, and an hour making out because you agreed to wear a tie the website describes as blush color (you know pink when you see it, but are smart enough to know that it matches her dress, and that wearing a pink tie, or blush tie, or really whatever tie she thinks you’ll look best in, will be key in getting special treatment).

2. 6 p.m. (the following day). You and your buddies hop on the Generation Tux site to co-curate each other’s looks [read: make fun of each other]. You take some time to figure out where the after-party will be, and discuss the benefits of a cummerbund. You decide to get tie bars for everybody to mod out your look a la Don Draper in Mad Men.  

2. Noon the next day. During your passing period, you and all your friends share all your new looks on Instagram, Twitter, or whatever you young folks are using these days (BTW… why haven’t you accepted our friend request?). All the girls think you’re gonna look super hot in your tuxes. You make plans to go out to dinner together. The boys want In-and-Out, the girls want the new restaurant on the 58th floor of the Ritz. You settle for dinner at the Ritz and desert at Sonic.

3. 10 p.m. a week later. You get your tuxedo in the mail. You don’t know if the cummerbund creases go up or down, so you call your date to help you try it on. She comes over, reminds you that the creases face up (or, just watch our How To video together). She also notices that the sleeves are a little long so you call the concierge and set up a free tailor. You show her the tie bar. She loves Mad Men. You make out for the next 30 minutes (or until your parents catch you). 

Prom Night

3. 5 p.m. Prom Night. You pick up your date. Hint, bring a flower for her Mom, a firm handshake for her dad, and a wrist corsage for her (the corsage should match her dress). After the requisite promises to get home early, behave, and “have fun you kids” you hop into the car to head to dinner. But you planned it so you have an extra hour before dinner to go to the beach, the overlook, or whatever beautiful place you can think of to watch the sunset. You get to the restaurant just in time. Open the door for your date, be courteous to the waiter, and don’t bro out during dinner.

2. 8 p.m. Prom Night. It’s dessert time. You and the boys stop for a quick game of HORSE on the court next to Sonic. The girls watch. Make sure you take your jackets off.

2. 9 p.m. Prom Night. You enter the dance together with your entire entourage. Luckily you timed it when the DJ is cranking up the dance songs, and you all light up the floor. We suggest keeping it simple, go with the pop-and-lock, the sprinkler or the shopping cart before breaking out your best twerk.

3. 11 p.m. Prom Night. Slow dance time. Hold your lady tight. Tonight’s gonna be a good night.