A Million Dollar Wedding

A Million Dollar Wedding

We know you probably don’t have a million dollars just laying around to spend on your wedding. And if you did, we imagine there’s a few better things you could do with it – like hiring the Denver Broncos Cheerleading Squad for the Bachelor Party. But it’s always fun to dream. Here’s what a million dollars would buy you to truly pimp your nuptials this wedding season.


  • A 10-foot-tall Carousel wedding cake. (Estimated cost $50,000, average wedding cake cost for normal people is around $150-1200). According to Brides.com, one of the most expensive weddings of all time – between Chinese actors Angela Yeung and Huang Ziaoming – cost over $31 million (the average US wedding costs $29,858)… Looks like China’s economic policies are working after all. We’re not sure how much the cake was, but because the ring cost a cool $1.5 million, we figured we’d set our sights low. Angela is known as the Kim Kardashian of China… that said, she blew Kim and Kanye’s wedding budget out of the water – they only threw down $12 million. We always knew Kanye was a tightwad!


  • George Clinton (Estimated cost $25,000, DJ’s cost just $500-1500 for a five-hour reception). It seems that $25k is the sweet spot for most B-List-and-Above bands. You can probably negotiate with performers like George Clinton (not sure if you get the Parliament Funkadelic, too), Los Lobos (not sure if they will sing any songs other than that La Bamba cover), Bones, Thugs and Harmony and Jefferson Starship for around that. Up your game with Bruce Springsteen or the Dave Matthews Band (both reportedly around a million bucks… though the Boss is way more worth it!)


  • Photographer (Estimated cost $100,000, averages are around $750 to $10,000). It’s all about venue, lighting, change of outfits and props. You could also get your buddy that’s really good on Instagram to do it for free… just saying.


  • Catering ($200,000, averages are around $2,000 to $35,000). Up your catering by hiring a Michelin-star-rated chef or your favorite TV chef. Even Anthony Bourdain reportedly has his price. Most of these star chefs seem to focus on smaller parties. To make sure everybody gets their plates on time, we would recommend hiring the Denver Broncos Defense as cater waiters. We think Von Miller would do it for the remaining $47,000 in your budget (for at least ten minutes… after all, he has to do everything these days).


  • Flowers ($100,000, averages $400 to $5000). It’s not just the quantity of the flowers. It’s the arrangements themselves. Simple arrangements cost less, while more extravagant affairs will cost you quite a bit more.  


  • Venue ($430,000, average poor man’s venue is $300 to $10,000). You can really throw down some money when it comes to venue. The Belmond Hotel Caruso on Italy’s Amalfi Coast features cascading gardens, a 900-year-old Duomo and more. The $430k pricetag gets you the whole place to yourself and your guests. The New York Public Library costs $50k for receptions… and you can expand your mind (and constantly be shushed) in the process.


  • Tuxedo ($48,000, or starting at just $110 on GenerationTux).  You have to go to Italy to throw down over $10,000 on a suit. For $48,000 you can get a pinstripe suit from Brioni made from Vicuña wool (only the finest) and featuring white gold stitching. Generation Tux suits do not contain gold stitching, but they cost $47,905 less. That leaves enough to hire Jefferson Starship for the wedding and George Clinton for the reception. Hell, maybe even Von Miller would work security.